Teen Dating Violence: What It Looks Like and How to Help

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and while it’s not the easiest topic to talk about, it’s one we absolutely need to address. Teen dating violence (TDV) is more common than many people realize, affecting about 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. It doesn’t just mean physical abuse—TDV includes emotional, verbal, sexual, and even digital abuse. And because young love can be intense and all-consuming, it can be hard for teens to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy or abusive.

What Does Teen Dating Violence Look Like?

TDV can take many forms, and it doesn’t always look like what we see in movies. Here are some signs:

• Emotional and Verbal Abuse: Name-calling, insults, threats, jealousy, and controlling behavior.
• Physical Abuse: Hitting, pushing, restraining, or any physical harm.
• Sexual Abuse: Pressuring or forcing someone into sexual activity.
• Digital Abuse: Constantly checking a partner’s phone, demanding passwords, sending threatening messages, or using social media to control or humiliate them.

A lot of teens don’t even realize they’re in an abusive relationship because manipulation and control can feel like “love” when you’re young and inexperienced. If their partner is texting nonstop, demanding to know where they are all the time, or getting angry when they spend time with friends, they may mistake that for caring instead of control.

Why Is It So Hard to Leave?

For adults, it can be frustrating to see a teen stay in a toxic relationship. But just like in adult abusive relationships, there are many reasons why a teen might struggle to leave:

• They think it’s normal because they don’t have other relationships to compare it to.
• They’re afraid of retaliation.
• They still love their partner and hope things will change.
• They don’t want to be alone or feel like they have no one else.
• They fear no one will believe them or take them seriously.

How to Help a Teen in an Abusive Relationship

If you suspect a teen you know is experiencing dating violence, here’s how you can help:

1. Listen Without Judgment – Teens need to feel safe opening up. Instead of saying, “Why don’t you just leave?” try, “I’m here for you, and I believe you.”
2. Educate Without Pushing – Share resources and talk about healthy relationships, but don’t force them to take action before they’re ready.
3. Validate Their Feelings – Acknowledge that what they’re going through is hard and that their emotions are real and valid.
4. Help Them Make a Safety Plan – If they decide to leave, help them think through safe ways to do it, including having a trusted adult or friend they can call.
5. Connect Them to Resources – Organizations like The Branch County Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence (www.278safe.com), Love Is Respect (www.loveisrespect.org), and The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org) offer 24/7 support for teens.

Teaching Healthy Relationships Early

One of the best ways to prevent TDV is by teaching teens what a healthy relationship looks like before they start dating. A few key messages to share:

• Love should never hurt—physically or emotionally.
• It’s okay to set boundaries, and a good partner will respect them.
• Trust, communication, and mutual respect are the foundation of a strong relationship.
• No one has the right to control, intimidate, or harm them.

Teen dating violence is real, but the more we talk about it, the more we can empower young people to recognize warning signs, seek help, and build relationships based on respect and love. Let’s make sure the next generation knows that they deserve safe, healthy, and happy love.

Thanks for being here!

Xo, Kayla